Guest Star
by Tyr'll
Summary: Keitaro gets picked to be on a game show. Lots of pain involved for our poor manager. [One Shot]


"Hey guys, guess what!" Shouted an exited Keitaro.

"Urashima," replied Motoko in an annoyed tone of voice, "if you continue to act in such an absurd manner, I will have to hurt you.

"Awww, you're never any fun," whined Kaolla, "well, except for that time when you took me to the aquarium and totally freaked at the turtle exhibit when"-

"You promised never to speak of that Su!"

"Forget it Motoko, really, I got good news!"

"You're being fired by Hina?" asked Naru, inching forward slowly.

"You're finally going to declare you're undying love for me?" thought Shinobu hopefully.

"Naru, when did you grow a beard…" asked Kitsune, in a drunken stupor.

"No, no. I just got picked to be on TV!"

"Really!"

"No way!"

"That beard looks hot on you…"

"When are you going on?" asked Shinobu.

"This afternoon, so I have to get ready quickly."

"I'll help with that," replied Su, grinning evilly.

"No thanks Su, I think I can-"

"Nonsense. My new invention will make you look great in a jiff," responded Su airily while dragging him to her room.

"Oh, god no. Help MEEEeeee…" Keitaro's voice trailed off to be replaced by some rather painful sounding explosions and maniacal laughter.

"Think he's suffered enough?" Naru asked Motoko.

"Of course not."

Good, lets punish him for being in Kaolla's room."

"Good idea, the usual?"

"Of course…"

The two girls drew in a steady breath then screamed out simultaneously, "PERVERT!"

They rushed into Kaolla's room and the inn began to shake violently. It was almost time for Keitaro to emerge when he was finally in a presentable looking set of clothing, his body being no worse for the ware.

"Bye guys," he called running off into the direction of the town. He reached the studio and walked in. The show began.

A/N: The actual show will take place in script form. Please don't hurt me…

* * *

Shadow: Weeeeelcome to Guest Star! Today we have picked through several other contestants, and we have finally come up with the most pathet-… Wha- I mean handsome one! Come on out now Keitaro.

Keitaro: Wow, I can't believe it! I never thought I would get picked! It has always been my dream to be here!

Shadow: Yeeah… about that… It seems that we had a slight communication error when I asked you to be here…

Keitaro: HUH! You mean I'm not in the-

Shadow: That's right, sorry.

Keitaro: Then where the hll am I?

Shadow: You're in…Guest Star!

Keitaro: …

Shadow: …Guest Star!

Keitaro: …

Shadow: Ok! FINE! Be that way! **pulls out a herring and whacks him again and again**

Keitaro: Owie! Hey that hurts!

Shadow: Should I get something heavier?

Keitaro: Like what?

Shadow: This! **pulls out a bazooka**

Keitaro: Yeah, that does look heavier!

Shadow: Good, now it will really hurt! **starts whackingKeitaro with bazooka**

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Announcer: We are currently having to feed a strip good television through so as all you kids out there will not be offended by all the blood…gore…cursing…and general mayhem.

Mr. Koala: Hey kids! I love you!

Kids: We love you too Mr. Koala!

Mr. Koala: Do you know what else I love?

Kids: What?

Mr. Koala: Flamethrowers! **Mr. Koala then proceeds to cause a wildfire resulting in the deaths of many forest animals**

Kids: O.o **kids watch the blood, gore, cursing, and general mayhem caused by the simple act of setting a tree on fire**

Smokey: Remember kids; only you can prevent the prevention of wildfires!

Mr. Koala: **barbeques Smokey** Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha! **barbeques another koala and takes a bite** Yum! We taste just like chicken!

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Announcer: Now that the blood, gore, cursing, and general mayhem in the studio is over, we may now proceed with the program. Have a gore-free day!

Shadow: Now Keitaro, we're going to play a game.

Keitaro: whimper What kind of game?

Shadow: It shall be a simple game of questionnaire!

Keitaro: That's sounds saf-I mean fun. What are the rules?

Shadow: Simple… **shovesKeitaro into a specially prepared chair where wires begin to creep around and attach to his body**

Shadow: I ask you five questions, and you get five seconds with each. But for every one you get wrong, I press this button and send 10,000 volts through your body!

Keitaro: O.O whimper

Shadow: Now… First Question! 5+5?

Keitaro: 10!

Shadow: Wrong! **presses button**

Keitaro: Bu-YEOW!

Shadow: Second Question! How much money do you have in your pockets?

Keitaro: Well…50 bucks…

Shadow: I'll take it! **picks Keitaro's pocket**

Keitaro: Hey! That's m-

Shadow: **presses button**

Keitaro: YEOW!

Shadow: Third Question! I have an aunt who owns a dog named Rex. What was the name of its two puppies?

Keitaro: What the… How am I supposed to kno-

Shadow: TIMES UP! **presses button**

Keitaro: YA-BA-DA-BA-DOOOOOO!

Shadow: Fourth Question! What do I have in my pocket?

Keitaro: Ummmm… 50 bucks?

Shadow: DANG! How did you know! You must have cheated. **presses button**

Keitaro: But I-YEOW!

Shadow: Finally the last Question! What's blue in the daytime, green in the winter, and green at night? **fingers button**

Keitaro: **stares at button** Ummmmmm…I DON'T KNOW!

Shadow: Neither do I! **presses button**

Keitaro: YEOW! **sits in chair smoking**

Shadow: Hey! No smoking in the studio! **presses button**

Keitaro: ARRRRGH!

Shadow: That's all we have for today! Tune in next time to see the next guest star get mangled!

Keitaro: But I'm sti-

Shadow: **presses button repeatedly**

Keitaro: YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW! YEOW!

Shadow: Ciya!

Announcer: We would just like it to be known that no Keitaros were harmed in the making of this film…they were all harmed after it. **presses button**

Keitaro: Arrrrgh!

* * *

"Wow," though Naru and Motoko. "Gee, the pain inflicted on Urashima, good thing we got that taped…"

"Hey Keitaro, didja win anything?" asked Kaolla.

"Nahh, nothing important, just a meager twenty bottles of sake for being such a good sp-"

"Sake!" Kitsune's head popped up out of her stupor. "Gimme the Sake, where is it, **I WANT IT NOW**!" She began to violently shake Keitaro's head.

"Wahhhhh!" cried Keitaro.

"That looks like fun," thought all the other girls, with the exception of Shinobu. They joined in as well.

"Auu, poor Sempai," thought Shinobu. Then she left the scene to go cook dinner.

And so poor Keitaro was tortured in such a way that he never had a chance at survival. This continued until the next day, when every one got bored and decided to go watch TV, leaving the poor manager in the front yard, where he lay unmoving.

There he lay until Haruka got tired of seeing him there dumped his body of the conveniently located cliff just off behind the inn. His body has never been found.

* * *

Sorry, I just had to do this. I needed something to do besides my current story. Look forward to the new chapters by the way. Not that I know what they will contain exactly…

_I need a life._

-B


End file.
